Love someone like a fat kid loves cake

Sep 05
zubat:

tomfletcherscats:


tomfletcherscats:

this is how u use tinder right

he came out of left field with this one



Update: I banged him

zubat:

tomfletcherscats:

tomfletcherscats:

this is how u use tinder right

he came out of left field with this one

Update: I banged him

Sep 05

thrashturbate:

cynical-bee:

thrashturbate:

I’ll bet you’d look adorable grasping at the sheets on my bed

no matter how many times u compliment me im not making ur bed

this has to be one of the best responses I’ve gotten to this text post

Sep 05
radicalmuscle:

"That only happens in basketball anime," they said.

radicalmuscle:

"That only happens in basketball anime," they said.

(Source: 4gifs)

Aug 29

idontcareforgob:

officialgarrusvakarian:

we-are-star-stuff:

zerostatereflex:

An Octopus unscrewing a lid from the inside.

Octopuses are going to kill us all someday

I had a biology teacher that told us this story about an octopus at an aquarium in Australia. The staff were concerned because their population of crustaceans kept disappearing. No bodies or anything. So they checked the video feed to find out what’s up.

Across from the the crustacean tank was a small octopus tank. This little fucker squeezed out of a tiny hole at the top of his tank, walk across the hall, and get into the crustacean tank. He would then hunt and eat. After he was done, he crawled back out and get back in his tank

Here’s the kicker: security guards patrolled the area. The staff realized that the octopus had memorized the security’s routine. It would escape and be back between the guards’ round.

An octopus in Germany was annoyed by a bright light shining into his tank, so he climbed up over the rim and squirted water at it to short it

Fuckin’ octopuses, man. 

Aug 29
tastefullyoffensive:

Thanks for noticing

tastefullyoffensive:

Thanks for noticing

Aug 29

valleyofdestruction:

spoken-not-written:

dropped my scrabble game on the sidewalk

What’s the word on the street?

Aug 27

meladoodle:

my friend’s teacher kept saying ‘YOLO’ around the school and then people were like ‘why do u keep saying you only live once’ and he was like ‘oh is that what it means?? i thought it was a mix of ‘yo’ and hello’ and it was just a hip new greeting’

(Source: meladoodle)

Aug 27

proctalgia:

when u try to tell ur friends a pun

image

Aug 27
lovelyimpulses:
Aug 27

princess-of-lore:

mycheekyfinn:

official-nasa:

monilip:

dont-stop-runninggg:

knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit

wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad 

That was deep

philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie

That was deeper.

common sense is knowing that ketchup isn’t a damn smoothie you nasty

(Source: whattt-fucking-ever)